“today’s the day!” it’s 12:55 am, and in about 16 hours, i’ll be on a plane, leaving home. the past few days have been a crazy mess of emotions, good and bad.
for months, i’ve been beyond excited to leave home. i couldn’t wait to go out into the real world, to be “an adult”, and to live it up in college. i was ecstatic to meet people, to go on adventures, to live in utah.
tuesday night, i changed my mind. it all came crashing down around me. suddenly it wasn’t this big fun crazy thing anymore, it was Me Leaving Home, and it was in Two Days. THIS was a big deal, and i wasn’t sure it i could handle it anymore. i didn’t feel ready. i knew i would miss my family. i already had regrets. i didn’t think i was ready for my own meals, living with strangers, and being completely alone on a campus of thousands. i was scared that it would be hard for me to find people to care. i became acutely aware of how the first night would feel. how i wouldn’t get to hug my mom goodnight. how i wouldn’t get to hug anyone goodnight. it hurt then, and it hurts still, a little bit.
i went into my moms room, just me and her (because dad was out of town), and i just hugged her and cried.
“i don’t think i’m ready,” but what i meant was “i’ll miss you,” “i want to stay here,” and “i am incredibly scared.”
i just remember her words “you are ready.”
“YOU ARE READY.”
and she was right. no, change will never not be terrifying. change will never be easy. the one big giant step from one stage of life to another will never come smoothly or naturally. “leaving the nest,” as they say, requires effort. it requires that unknown leap forward, it requires a risk.
college is a risk. my roommates are a risk. being separate from my family is a risk.
but it’s something that needs to be done. we can’t be stuck in one chapter of our lives, reliving and reliving it because we are afraid of when we turn the page.
this is it for me. i’m turning the page. i’m taking that step out of the nest. i’m leaving home.
and i’m going to be ok.