this week’s reflection is gonna go a little different…
this past weekend, i was able to travel back to my roots. i saw my best friends in colorado, many of them for the last time.
two years ago, between my sophomore and junior years of high school, my family moved 2176 miles east from our home of 15 years.
i couldn’t understand why God was taking me from these amazing people in my life. from my home, from the place that i loved and from the land that i swear to this day owns me somehow in a way i can’t explain. i was angry. i lost myself a little. i struggled to remember that i was beautiful, and funny, and smart, and nice to be around, even when nobody else thought that way. i was so blind by the pain of leaving that i didn’t see how this would ever be good for me.
boy, hindsight sure is 20/20.
this past weekend, sitting leaning against the wall on my best friends bed flipping through mead high schools 2017 yearbook, something clicked in my head. i knew that staying wouldn’t have been good for me. staying wouldn’t have helped me progress, or grow into myself, or strengthen me in valuing myself. staying would’ve been a stalemate inside my own soul.
i’m happy i had the chance to fall in love with a new place and a new set of people. i’m relieved God was willing to hurt me enough to help me grow, and to take me away from a place that could’ve hurt me worse.
i’m going to college in E I G H T D A Y S. i’m going to have to say goodbye again, im going to have to leave a love for a home again, and i’m going to have to travel into the unknown again.
no, i’ll never be not scared. no, saying goodbye will never get easier.
back when i was bitter, i always thought to myself, “life is just a series of painful goodbyes, one strung up after the other.”
maybe i was right. but i didn’t realize something else. i didn’t realize that when you say goodbye, it means you’re going somewhere else. it means you have a new start, a new beginning. it means you can let go and hold on at the same time, and expand your hearts ability to love.
now THAT is an amazing thing.
walking into the little latino market crammed into a corner of main street, talking about who knows what, my best friend looks at me and tells me, “you’re all about closure.”
and i am. we all are. life’s a series of goodbyes, with a whole lot of happy hellos squeezed in there as well. strung up one after the other.
i’ll never be good at goodbyes, but at least now i can trust that the hellos will be worth it.
the flowers: going to see my best friends! pearl street mall. main street longmont. discovering marcos hot dogs. grandma&grandpa are here. planning my grad party. got a laptop for college. aaron’s doing so good!!
the rain: eating too many nugs. our hike getting rained out. late to grad practice. no sleep. didn’t get to see reynolds or baby P. people that change. still need to order my textbooks. already knowing i’m going to miss people.